It’s a dilemma What to do when she wants a baby and he doesn’t – or vice versa?
It seems like you have to choose. Between your own desire to have children, or your partnership.
Table of contents
“Let’s make a baby”, she whispers in his ear. Shocked, he leaves the bed.
There are different reasons why a partner does not want a child. This does not have to be because of the other person. The decisive factor is the timing.
Maybe one of them doesn’t want to have children until later, or maybe they don’t want anymore because they already have children from an earlier partnership. It is also possible that one person does not want children at all.
Talk About Your Desire To Have Children
“I don’t want a child” is often a bitter slap in the face for women. It is as if the man is also saying “no” to her. It’s different when the man says “I like children, but I already have two.” It’s not the same.
The conversation should not become a repartee of counter-arguments. The feeling of not wanting a child is just as strong as the desire to have children. You can try to understand why your partner does not want a child and what he is afraid of. You may be able to take this away from him.
Is A “No” Negotiable?
A “no” should first be accepted as such. But age also plays a role. If someone doesn’t want children at the age of 25, then perhaps they are simply not ready.
The important thing is that your counterpart is not averse to a family in principle.
Now you just have to decide how long you can and want to wait.
An Accident Is Not The Solution
“Oops, now I’m pregnant after all.” For you, this may fulfill your happiness, but your partner probably still does not want a child. Simply getting pregnant is not a compromise. You risk your relationship and a guilty conscience is pre-programmed.
Time Can Sometimes Work Wonders
Time not only heals all wounds, but it also changes you. Maybe your partner just needs a little more time to think things over.
You should not bridge this time with nagging and pushing. Most people then tend to close down inwardly, and after all, you want your partner to feel like having children. So don’t focus completely on the subject of children.
If a child becomes your sole mission, you’re kicking off a negative relationship dynamic.
Partner Or Child?
You’ve had fundamental conversations. You’ve been waiting a long time, way too long. Slowly, you need to consider whether your relationship makes sense in the long run if one of you doesn’t want children. After all, there are others who want children. So you can give your partner the choice. But you should then also be prepared to take this step, otherwise, you will quickly lose credibility.
Does It Make Sense To Give An Ultimatum?
Children are simply not a no-brainer; they are a conscious decision.