A Mother Tells: When Maternal Happiness Doesn’t Want To Happen After Birth

Postpartum Depression: Excessive Demands Instead Of Maternal Happiness

Having a baby and becoming a mother is what most women imagine to be the greatest happiness. Unfortunately, some women experience becoming a mother and being a mother quite differently. They cannot identify with the role as a mother. They feel desperate, overwhelmed and sad. They find it difficult to form a bond with their child. If this condition persists, it is postpartum depression.

Grief, Disinterest, Feelings Of Guilt

“They put you on my chest so I know I have to love you forever.
They talk about magic and this one moment whose beauty I don’t recognize.
I feel empty, without strength and without perspective. There are a thousand reasons to be sad, but because of your own child? It can’t be …”


“But You Chose The Child!”

Of course. But I didn’t know how I would feel afterwards. I felt cheated by nature. Cheated of the happiness a mother feels for her baby.
My feelings cannot be explained rationally, but they are there. And I am at their mercy.
You can regret everything in life, but you can’t regret being a mother.
The facade of the happy mother must shine. So we polish it.


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The Harbingers:

Even during pregnancy, I lacked a connection with my child. I never stroked my belly and talked to her. I thought it was weird to talk to someone who couldn’t answer me at all. Of course I took belly pictures for my friends, but after that I didn’t care about my belly again.
I only know that my friend was happy and I felt like I had to be happy too.

Phase 1: Loneliness

I always felt lonely together with my child. My boyfriend preferred to do everything rather than take care of our child. She became my only responsibility.
But I had no desire to deal with her, no drive, no joy. Often I would lie in bed for hours wishing for the end of this constant obligation. At some point, we existed only as a collective; I had lost my identity about being a mother. This made me deathly unhappy.

Phase 2: Adjustment Difficulties

Everything was suddenly a huge challenge with child and I didn’t feel up to any of it. I simply couldn’t imagine how to get up the escalator in the shopping center with the stroller and how to go to the bathroom, for example, when I had my child with me. The stroller is too big for the stall and leaving it outside doesn’t work either. These questions scared me, so I mostly stayed home because I felt safe there. I often left the house with my child only when I was accompanied. Polishing the facade.

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Phase 3:The Child As A Foreign Body

As soon as my child was awake, I waited for her to go to bed.
My only goals were to get her to daycare on time and pick her up again.
I often sat resignedly at the kitchen table, drinking one coffee after another. I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. I couldn’t stand it when she pulled my hair or tore something out of my hand. But I also had no strength to assert myself. That’s why I secretly breastfed her for two years.
I didn’t know how else to get her to sleep.
When she slept, everything was fine.



Phase 4: Desperate And Empty

I always hoped that someone would see this. The deep hole in which I find myself.
But nobody saw it. Not my parents, not my friends, not the boy I dated who suggested he couldn’t be a father. “And I’m not a mother,” I thought to myself, feeling insanely bad. That’s exactly why I could never really talk to anyone about it. Sometimes, when I tried, I got skeptical looks: “But you love your child, don’t you?”
The whole overload I felt culminated in a vague suicidal thought: “If I kill myself, then one of you will have to take her and it won’t be me. “The despair spoke from me”.

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Phase 5: I Want My Life Back

My best friend helped me a lot by making it clear that I needed to talk to people. Otherwise, no one can properly assess the situation and see how bad I really am.
I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that the situation couldn’t stay like this. I heard daily how the social image of mother in my head collided with the real me. I couldn’t stand it.
I asked my mother if she could take my daughter more often because I know my mother is a good mother. And I finally talked to outside people who encouraged me and made me feel like I wasn’t crazy.

Phase 6: Things Are Looking Up

I had some time to realize I had an attachment problem. About 30 percent of all women affected by postpartum depression, develop an attachment disorder due to the psychological stress.

Too often, I blamed my child for my feelings. At the same time, she can at least be blamed. It’s not her fault that I believed her father when he said, “We can do this together,” and that I was alone. It’s not her fault that some young men don’t want to get involved with a woman with a child.

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What I want to say is that there are many reasons that lead one to this point.
In my case, mainly lack of support.
But there is only one way out: to seek help and talk about it.

The best products for you and your baby.

Baby monitor

With a baby monitor, you can use your time flexibly, sleep peacefully at night and still know at all times that your baby is doing well.

Nursing pillow

A good breastfeeding pillow has several advantages, because it helps you not only to breastfeed, but also to fall asleep and is also suitable as a nest.

Diaper bags

A diaper bag offers you a lot of storage space, so that you have everything you need for your baby on the go - from the changing pad to the bottle.

Pucksack

A pucksack gives your baby the feeling of security, like in the womb, and thus supports a peaceful and restful sleep.

Bicycle trailer

Bicycle trailers can be used in combination with a baby seat shortly after birth. They are not only safer than child seats but also more comfortable.

Playpen

A playpen can be very practical in everyday life! Which model is suitable for your needs, you can read in my guide.

Baby bed

The first bed accompanies your child for years. Fortunately, there are beds that grow with your child. I have made for you on the search for the best baby beds.

Stroller

A stroller is a worthwhile purchase. But there are the most diverse models on the market. Find out which is the right one.

Radiant heater

Radiant heaters provide your child with the necessary warmth when changing diapers or after bathing.

Extra bed

Side beds are very practical and offer both mother and baby a lot of advantages, because for babies, especially in the first months of life, it is reassuring to be able to sleep next to their parents.

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