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“If I fell madly in love with you, then the child wouldn’t be a problem. We’d have to talk about that again, but that’s not why I don’t want to be with you.” So he had not fallen madly in love, that was all right so far. Neither was I yet. But by saying that only then my child would not be a problem, he implied that otherwise it already is.
“I just can’t be a father yet, and I don’t want her to see me a few times and then never again.” “It’s too late for that now too” I thought and nodded. Too soon I let a new man into my life and with him into my daughter’s life. When I realized she wasn’t taking it so easily, I backed off. We only met alone now. At first, that’s what I wanted. After all, it’s hard to do something as a threesome when you’re still in the phase of wanting to kiss all the time. I couldn’t expect my child to do that.
Seeing Each Other Only Without A Child? Unfortunately Not A Long-Term Solution
Single moms know it the time problem. In the best case, you have time between the start and end of daycare and in the evening, when the child is asleep. Of course, you should get to know someone before you introduce your child to them. But if you spend all your free time on this, then at some point you will have none left. So in the long run, it didn’t suit me. After all, I didn’t make a difference with other people either. So we went to the playground. And I was thrilled. Thrilled with how much effort he was putting in. He let them fly through the air what felt like a thousand times. For a brief moment, I was terribly happy. Happy about maybe getting over this “hurdle” soon. It would make everything so much easier.
The Child Is Not The Hurdle
A child is not the actual hurdle to overcome. It’s the expectations. The expectations of single men to immediately take on the role of father. Some feel overwhelmed when they are presented with a family instead of a wife. Their planning is not yet so far advanced that a mother with child occurs in it. Sometimes it helps if you make it clear to your counterpart that your child already has a father.
Where Can I Find A Man Who Meets My Requirements?
Fortunately, not only single mothers have this problem, but also other singles. So hey, you’re not alone.
And the answer? Everywhere and nowhere!
I don’t even like to tell you how many idiots are running around in this world. There were men who trampled on my scarce time. Men who said that a child would not be a problem for them at all, but only wanted to see me without a child. There were men who didn’t know how to deal with it and responded to a photo of my daughter with “Ehm, cute? But also those who found it super interesting and had a lot of respect for me. Unfortunately, only I did not find these men interesting.
The Problem With The Ex – He Is Omnipresent
Ex-partners are always a tricky subject. They should not be part of a new relationship. But what if you have to deal with him constantly because of the child? Suddenly the ex-boyfriend is omnipresent
Do you think this is a problem? Yep.
It can test your relationship with a new man. Looking back, I can say that at that time I didn’t have a chance to get to know anyone at all. I had two children to take care of. This kept me so busy that I had to talk about it all the time. This can quickly create insecurities.
Be Selective, Honest And Patient
The quicker you throw a jerk to the wind, the quicker you’ll meet a man who meets your standards. Then, when you find that one, be honest. On my last date, I casually mentioned that I had a two-year-old daughter. As if that was the most normal thing in the world at 23.
And do you know how my counterpart reacted?
As if it were the most normal thing in the world.