Defiance Phase: When Children Challenge Their Parents

Fortunately, the defiant phase is really just a phase. It usually starts around the 2nd birthday and is basically a milestone in development.
However, parents usually see it a little differently.

From The Parents’ Point Of View

For parents, the defiant phase is a real challenge. Your child, who used to be so well-behaved, turns into a monster who throws himself on the floor, screams loudly and doesn’t want to listen anymore. A little head of defiance rules the household.
He won’t eat, won’t walk, won’t sit. He wants a candy right now. He wants exactly what you don’t want. With tantrums he lends emphasis to his demands.
When there is an audience, he makes an extra effort.

From The Child’s Point Of View

For the child, this phase is characterized by wanting, but not being able. While he has learned to crawl, sit, walk, eat, drink and talk in the past 2 years, he is now increasingly reaching his limits. He can touch and name the button on his shirt without any problems, but buttoning his shirt just won’t work.

The child wants more than he is already able to do physically and mentally. And since things just don’t want to work out the way they should, the child gets angry. A character weakness? More likely acted out frustration.

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How Does One React To Such Tantrums?

Parents are expected to have deep understanding and strong nerves. Now this may be true for over mothers and over fathers, to be the understanding in person, but it is not true to reality. Doesn’t the everyday stress rather lead to the fact that we sometimes forget our good parenting and react gruffly?
When time is short, the meal is not yet ready – there are a thousand things that can be a stress factor. And then there’s a pile of anger lying on the floor, screaming because mom dared not get the car out again, which has now rolled under the sofa for the 5th time.

A Sense Of Achievement Is Needed

A situation like this can quickly slip out of all control. Sometimes it’s easier to leave the room for a moment than to engage in a showdown. It is indeed important to provide a sense of relaxation. In this respect, the experts are right. In this specific example, experts recommend pushing the car forward with a longer object until the child can reach it on his own with a little effort. This gives it a sense of achievement. The next time, he or she will probably try to get the car with the aid on his or her own. It is worth a try.


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Insight And Reason

Can you already demand insight and reason from 2.5-year-old children? Hardly. They are not yet able to assess the consequences of their actions, nor do they live out their desires unrestrictedly. If it weren’t for parents who prevent them from doing so. Even if you explain something to your child for the hundredth time, they still do it. And with a facial expression that shows fun. Isn’t that provocation?

No, because that would require an intention. Children behave this way because they think they can already do everything. They want to prove it to themselves and to you. So if you say: “No, leave the glass on the table”, because you are afraid that it could ruin the carpet together with its contents, your child wants to show you that it can already carry the glass without the contents following the temptations of gravity.

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