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“She has a father complex”, young women are accused of having a much older partner. But what does that actually mean? And is the age difference really the only decisive criterion?
Father Complex: What Does It Mean?
The father complex is also called the “Electra complex”. It refers to the strong bond between a female and her father. Either the relationship was particularly intimate or very distant.
The nature of the father has an influence on the woman’s later relationship life. For example, if she was often rejected by her father as a child, she will be attracted to men who behave in the same way.
How To Recognise A Father Complex
- You demand undivided attention from your partner.
- Your partners resemble your father.
- You prefer older men and are not at all attracted to younger ones.
- You try to win your boyfriend’s favour with favours.
- You want to be constantly shown that you are loved.
- You react emotionally when there is trouble because you are insecure.
A father complex is usually not conscious to those affected. It can develop individually and yet there is a common factor: the father influences the daughter’s behaviour until adulthood, even if he may no longer be present.
The Father Complex And Its Influence On The Choice Of Partner
The relationship with the father is the first one we have with the opposite sex. The relationship patterns that develop can be recalled and repeated later. If a woman associates positive qualities, such as humour, with her father, she is likely to look for a similar partner. If the father figure is strict, she is likely to choose a dominant partner.
The new partner is unconsciously chosen to compensate for unfulfilled longings. Similarities in behaviour, or appearance, are sometimes obvious. Two completely different men can become interesting for a woman if they arouse the same in her. For example, the feeling of being safe. Their motive is to fill the gap left by their father.
How Does The Father Complex Affect The Relationship?
The father complex becomes problematic when a woman reacts excessively emotionally to conflicts. For her, this is a painful reminder of her childhood. This feels twice as bad. Little things, can become big issues. She will also discover unpleasant characteristics of her father in her partner and fight them. Yet her anger is actually directed at the wrong man.
From The Partner’s Point Of View
The new partner of a woman with a father complex does not know what is happening to him. He cannot undo his wife’s childhood.
He may feel that he cannot do anything right for her and that he cannot live up to her expectations. But he can’t do anything about it.
Why Does Our Psyche Do That?
Our subconscious buries many a painful memory so that it is not constantly present. So instead of making peace with the past, many women carry their father complex into the present of their relationship.
The father complex is like an attempt to solve an old problem that cannot be solved by the new partner. Many a woman ends up in a relationship with which she is not happy.
Is The Father Complex A Bad Thing?
Honestly? There are worse things. The father complex usually arises unconsciously. So you can’t help it at all. In the end, it doesn’t really matter who you are attracted to. Even if this person may resemble your father.
The father complex only becomes problematic when it influences your behaviour and your expectations of your partner too much.