Handling Sibling Arguments and Fighting (Parenting Lounge #8)

Charlotte Menke

11 years ago

[tps_header]Sibling arguments and fighting is something every mom has to deal with because it’s a fact of life that siblings will fight. Kids in general are learning manners and how to interact with other people daily and fighting is their way of expressing themselves and their feelings. But we as parents need to direct their learning so they don’t harm others.

I remember when I was little, my sister and I use to fight so much! But now we are really close to each other. I hope that my daughters have the same experience (maybe with a little less fighting of course).

How do you handle your kids arguing and fighting?

My toddler and baby have recently started arguing and fighting. It happens mostly when my older daughter takes a toy away from her baby sister. I can understand how everything used to belong to my older daughter, but this is one of the best times for me to teach her how to share.

Whenever my toddler takes a toy from her sister, I tell her to give it back or give her sister another toy. Usually the baby is satisfied if it’s a good toy, so everyone is happy. I love seeing them start to practice this sharing on their own, when my toddler hands the baby a new toy and the baby hands her toy to her older sister.

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Advice and Stories from Real Moms

Calm them down first

First thing we do is calm down. Sometimes they will need to be separated for a few minutes. Once everyone is calm then we get everyone back together, talk about what happened, then talk about why it’s important to be nice to each other and love each other. – Brittany from Pennies Into Pearls

Separate them

This is hard, the two that fight are 10 years old and 3 years old and you would think they would kill each other when they fight. Normally I separate them both and tell them about why they shouldn’t be fighting. Then they have to give hugs and say sorry. – Trista from Mamas Little Minions

Listen to them

I always try to listen to my children as their voices rise in frustration. Then I sit them down and talk with each one individually to try to figure out what is happening. Giving them each a chance to talk about it generally helps me to decide what discipline is appropriate (if any). – Sarah from Grounded & Surrounded, the YouTube channel

Ignore them

I usually ignore them. As long as no one is missing a body part and no one is on fire, they can argue until they are blue in the face. Choosing my battles? I choose to ignore! – Dana from Momma Didn’t Say

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Laugh

I have identical toddler twins. Right now, sibling arguments consist of hair pulling and screaming at or chasing each other when someone steals a toy. I’m super mature so, you know, I mostly just laugh. Then separate and redirect them. But still I’m still laughing. – Marie from MarieOsborne.com

Never take sides

I never take sides. I just tell them I love them and not to fight. Distracting them from the argument also helps. I find that if I switch on the TV to a show or movie they like, they will forget all about their argument. But luckily, my kids don’t argue much. – Lauren from Mom Home Guide

Make them share

Recently we have had the constant saying, “If you both can’t share, then no one gets it.” This is not working. We have found that holding the item in front of them, asking who had it first, and then saying, “Can you ask your sibling to have it next?” This has been a life savor! – Tahnee from Sincerely Rose

Ask them how they feel

First, I get their attention and ask them to be quiet. I then get down on their level so I am not preaching “at” them but rather talking “with” them. I ask them to each explain what happened and how it made them feel. Usually, if I can get them to address how the situation made them feel we can resolve the issue quickly by apologizing and correcting the behavior whatever it may be; bossiness, taking without asking, etc! Of course, 100% of our situations are not resolved this easily, but most of the time! This is the real world after all! Ha! – Sammi from Grounded and Surrounded

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Thank you Moms!

Just remember, one fight won’t destroy their sibling bond. Family is forever and they will learn to get along as they get older. Find what works for your family.

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Let us know how you manage your kids arguing and fighting in the comments. Do you have any handy tricks on making your kids play nice?

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