A child is the greatest happiness for many young couples, according to widespread opinion. But the high phase is usually followed by disillusionment, as some men feel they are losing their partner to the child. But they need support right now.
A tiny dot on the ultrasound photo changes everything: We are going to be parents. As happy as couples start into the new future with a child, the reality often looks sober after the birth. All-nighters, colic, porridge, and bottles: A baby not only completely turns your life upside down, but can also cause a major crisis in your relationship. It helps to take time as a couple to have important conversations.
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Don’t Just Talk About Milk Porridge And Bottles
Husband and wife become dad and mom. Young couples in particular have no idea how big the change is. Many can’t imagine the changes parenthood brings.
Unfulfilled expectations are the reason for arguments and love stress. Men in particular suddenly feel excluded. In addition to the close mother-child relationship, they feel like the fifth wheel on the wagon. Some feel they have lost their partner to the child. They miss the loving contact with their partner and sexuality, which often comes to a standstill.
As a result, many men withdraw, are disappointed, or offended. Out of disappointment, they push back the partner who just needed support.
Once the child is born, the woman and man have to take on new roles. It is still predominantly women who stay at home and take care of the baby. Not an easy job, because it is a 24-hour job. Little sleep, lots of baby crying, illnesses, and the constant presence demanded by the child. There can be a massive stressful atmosphere.
Communication is very important during this time. In addition to the many questions concerning the child, there should be room for personal conversations. Talk not only about your baby, milk porridge, and bottles but also about yourself. “How are you?” – an almost everyday question, but one that often gets too little space during times of stress. It is important that both partners tell each other about their stresses and desires. Only in this way can the needs of the other be addressed.
Point Of Contention: Division Of Labor
Even during pregnancy, make sure you have a network that can provide regular relief. Whether friends, neighbors, or grandparents: At least once a week, couples should have the opportunity to leave the baby in trusting hands for a few hours. This creates space for the relationship. This doesn’t mean that couples always have to do something together. Each partner also needs time for themselves. Therefore, make sure there is a balance in the baby-free time.
One point of contention for young parents is often the division of labor at home. Housework, taking care of the child. Often, all the tasks are left to the partner who initially stays at home. Many couples slip into role patterns that they know from their own childhood. But if the working partner lies down directly on the sofa while the other one is lost in chaos with the child and the household, quarrels are guaranteed. Here, it must be negotiated who is responsible for what and in such a way that both are satisfied with it. In these moments, good communication is especially important. Don’t wait too long, but address your partner directly and in a friendly manner about the grievances. In this way, arguments and frustration can be avoided.