To the ears of many mothers, the call not to constantly put their family’s needs above their own sounds strangely unrealistic. After all, everyday life often shows that women are busy with long to-do lists within the family and can’t find time for themselves. In a world where almost every woman is a “super mom” thanks to social media, this seems necessary. In fact, however, it harbors a great danger, because mom also has to be worth something to herself.
Table of contents
Risk: Loss Of Contact With One’s Own Self
Nowadays, the daily routine of many mothers knows neither weekends nor vacations or breaks. From early in the morning, when the children have to be woken up, until after they have been put to bed and cleaned up in the evening, women are under pressure. If further stress tests are added, such as a cry baby, school difficulties or the classic defiant phase, the stress is perfect.
The problem: If a mother cannot recover from the day’s stress peaks, not only her mental well-being changes, but also her physical health.
Stress hormones are produced even when everything is just calm, and over time, severe exhaustion sets in. Psychosomatic symptoms, which indicate overwork, are not infrequently added to this and it can sometimes happen that women slip into a mental illness. In its 2016 stress study, TK also reported on the increase in psychological complaints among the population.
And even if performance is at a high level over a long period of time and women function virtually around the clock, there is a risk: those who spend months and years almost exclusively attending to the needs, desires and interests of other people forget themselves in the process. When asked what interests them and what they want or even need, some women then have no answer ready.
In this case, the way back to one’s own personality can be long and rocky. Quite a few women fall into a deep hole at the latest with the puberty of the children and the loss of “being used” because they have forgotten how to do well for themselves and to keep themselves busy.
(Photo by Xavier Mouton Photography on Unsplash)
This Is Especially Good For Mothers
Consequently, there are many reasons not to shortchange self-care as a mother. Of course, this doesn’t always work. If the child is sick, the partner has to go on a business trip or even you yourself experience a particularly demanding phase at work, a small lean period can quickly arise. But even such days and weeks are easier to get through if a self-care framework has provided a solid foundation.
If you haven’t given much thought to your own self-care, you’re not alone. The following ideas can serve as an initial inspiration and help you gain personal space step by step:
Body Care And Beauty
How long has it been since my last visit to the beautician? When did I have the bathroom to myself for more than five minutes in the past few months? Does the favorite hair salon still exist at all? If you have to give rather sobering answers to questions like these and have otherwise always enjoyed taking care of your body care and beauty, you should change something as soon as possible.
Taking care of your own body, treating it to new cosmetics, and taking time for a relaxing bath can even be possible within your own four walls and signals self-love. Many women who have developed sensitive skin over time and wish for the old glow back, find with natural cosmetics a way to meet the new demands.
Creams, lotions and oils are perfect for small wellness time-outs in the evening, while the bathroom door remains closed for the children as well as for the partner and even the dog. If one usually does not find a satisfactory number of natural cosmetic products in regional perfumeries, a look in the natural cosmetics category at large online suppliers, can often offer a much larger selection. Whether cream or fragrance, here really everyone finds something.
It is not uncommon for women to neglect social contacts in the hustle and bustle of their countless everyday duties. Meeting friends for dinner, dancing or even shopping seems impossible in view of all the work. Yet social contacts are essential for mental health. Mothers should therefore consciously create time out for themselves in which they can meet with friends and talk about things other than children, diapers and the job. Going to the cinema or spending a day at the spa together is also good for you and breaks up the daily grind.
(Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash)
Having a hobby is often a luxury notion for moms. Engaging in something that excites personal interest and helps with relaxation is, unfortunately, the order of the day in far too few cases. Changing that, and possibly remembering old hobbies or finding new ones, automatically creates a little space for personal growth. From sewing to sports to creative writing or even painting, practically anything that brings joy is possible.
What Kids Can Learn From Mom’s Downtime
One difficulty that can present itself when asserting personal space is the famous guilty conscience. Leaving your partner alone with the kids, ordering a babysitter, or simply saying “no” in-between can be challenging because it makes high demands on your own functionality and performance noticeable.
Here, however, women should not fall back into their old behavior patterns, but rather consciously continue with self-care. Then they will become a special role model for their children, because they will learn that standing up for one’s own needs is important and will possibly act according to the same premise later in life.
In addition, relaxed mothers can give much more easily. Loving oneself and being able to give is closely linked to the ability to show warmth and love to others. So the circle closes and self-care suddenly also becomes the best way to promote family happiness.