Sex After Birth: Couples Between Desire And Frustration

After giving birth, nothing is the same anymore. New mothers feel little desire for sex. But childbirth doesn’t leave men unscathed either. My boyfriend initially avoided sex with me. “I have to process that first, you don’t even know what that looked like,” he said.

Tenderness instead of sex

Most men avoid contact with their partner’s private parts during the first three months. For many, the sexual dry spell comes unexpectedly. Slowly you have to get closer again. Understand yourself as a man/woman again and not just as a parent.

Women usually need more time

I was so busy with the baby and the changes in my body that I didn’t necessarily have the desire for sex. My previously flat stomach, was like an empty, flabby cave. My breasts were bigger, like two firm footballs. I found this to be very uncomfortable. Then there was the bleeding and the fact that I had an episiotomy. That all had to heal first. The fact that the child is always with me doesn’t necessarily create a good atmosphere.

The first time after the birth

At some point we just gave it a try. ” Your vagina is somehow different,”

he suddenly said. That was about the last thing I wanted to hear as a woman. Somehow it was strange. As if one would just sleep with each other for the first time. Only not so romantic. But you don’t immediately have the same sex as before.
You are more cautious, but also more insecure.

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The desire comes back on its own

I believe that my boyfriend’s desire for sex has not diminished. He has skilfully provided himself with a remedy. Only the desire for sex with me, that was just gone. Perhaps it is also the habit that stands in the way. After all, you first come to terms with not sharing your desire with each other.

With the weaning my body belonged to me again

Many men don’t find it particularly sexy when milk spurts out of a woman’s breast.
So they often disregard it altogether. After breastfeeding, my body was completely independent of my baby again. By then, at the latest, most women also find their way back to their sexuality.

New love life

Once a certain routine has been established with the baby, it’s easier to focus on your sex life again. I, too, took my time with it. When we tried it again the first few times, it still hurt a lot. Then we simply postponed sex indefinitely. After all, there are other ways to create closeness. Since giving birth is not in itself a reason to give up sex, just talk about when you feel ready again.
Then you can rediscover yourselves together.

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The best products for you and your baby.

Baby monitor

With a baby monitor, you can use your time flexibly, sleep peacefully at night and still know at all times that your baby is doing well.

Nursing pillow

A good breastfeeding pillow has several advantages, because it helps you not only to breastfeed, but also to fall asleep and is also suitable as a nest.

Diaper bags

A diaper bag offers you a lot of storage space, so that you have everything you need for your baby on the go - from the changing pad to the bottle.


A pucksack gives your baby the feeling of security, like in the womb, and thus supports a peaceful and restful sleep.

Bicycle trailer

Bicycle trailers can be used in combination with a baby seat shortly after birth. They are not only safer than child seats but also more comfortable.


A playpen can be very practical in everyday life! Which model is suitable for your needs, you can read in my guide.

Baby bed

The first bed accompanies your child for years. Fortunately, there are beds that grow with your child. I have made for you on the search for the best baby beds.


A stroller is a worthwhile purchase. But there are the most diverse models on the market. Find out which is the right one.

Radiant heater

Radiant heaters provide your child with the necessary warmth when changing diapers or after bathing.

Extra bed

Side beds are very practical and offer both mother and baby a lot of advantages, because for babies, especially in the first months of life, it is reassuring to be able to sleep next to their parents.

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