Unhappily In Love? Cheer Up!

Love can be beautiful. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s true that you see newly in love couples in parks and restaurants all the time. Nevertheless, not everyone who is in love is also happy. If the love for a person is not reciprocated, then a certain feeling of desolation can spread quite quickly. Because you still want to be with this person. And that, although he or she obviously has no interest in it.

Being unhappily in love does not always have something to do with rejection. Sometimes it’s because you don’t have the courage to approach your crush. One follows him or her with longing looks. As soon as you want to say something to that someone, however, your breath catches in your throat. Shy and timid kids are at a distinct disadvantage here. Many do not dare to stand by their feelings. Boys and men in particular also have problems with this.

Unhappily In Love

When you are unhappily in love, you feel terribly lonely. You don’t understand why the object of your desire shows no interest in you. Or you don’t dare to jump over your own shadow and he or she doesn’t know about it. Depending on why you are unhappy in love, there are a number of tips that can help. Before we turn to these pieces of advice, let’s take a closer look at the reasons for heartbreak.

Early End Of Relationship

Sometimes people have different ideas about what love should look like. When two people get involved in a love relationship, they both have their own expectations about their partner. Some teenagers are just looking for a short fling, while others are romantically inclined and want a closer commitment. Regardless of whether you’re a relationship type or a hallucinist, it takes time to find out if you’re really right for each other and can stand each other in the long run. After a while, you start to notice each other’s quirks. And that can sometimes be really exhausting. Arguments are then inevitable.

Depending on how well you can deal with it, you can get through this phase as a couple. However, kids and teenagers are not yet as patient and practiced in relationship matters as adults. That’s why it’s quite normal that their relationships don’t last long and you fall for someone else quite quickly. For the one who is left behind, this is not exactly fun. Because he or she might have liked to try again and is still very attached to his or her ex

I don’t have feelings for you anymore.” – No one likes to hear that. Nevertheless, it is important to say such things honestly. If you don’t, the relationship will still go down the drain sooner or later. Why? Because there’s no point in pretending in a relationship. So look at it this way: It’s better to get an honest rejection than to be cheated on and lied to. If he or she is no longer interested in a love relationship with you, then you can hardly change that. Of course, it then takes a while until you can really accept and grasp the end of the relationship. At the beginning it is normal to still have hopes. You just don’t want to admit that you are abandoned by the person you love.

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Secret Crushes

Love is no fun if you are alone with it. Many teenagers do not dare to talk about their infatuation. As secret admirers, they hang on to their fantasies and hope to be approached by their crush at some point. Those who don’t take their lives into their own hands have to live with disappointment. Because most of the time you have to fight for what is important to you. This also applies to love itself. There is little or no point in hoping for a miracle while hiding from reality and losing yourself in daydreams.

Besides, part of growing up is taking responsibility for your own life. If you want something, you have to go get it. Don’t blame other people for your happiness or unhappiness. That would be giving up all control over your life and making yourself a helpless victim. Kids and teens who secretly have a crush on someone should think about what they could do to make their dreams come true.

Different Feelings And Rejection

As you can see, many teens find it hard to talk openly about their feelings. Once you’ve gotten the courage to speak plainly, things get exciting. To avoid disappointment, you should let your own feelers do some work. If the object of desire seems as if it has no interest at all, then it makes sense not to rush things. Even if you proceed cautiously and do not talk about relationship and love right away, you may encounter rejection. After all, love is characterized by misunderstandings and disappointments.

However, it has a much worse effect if you have really poured out your heart to him or her before. It is easy to make fun of someone whose love you are aware of. It’s not uncommon for relationships to be one-sided in truth. One of the two is not fully in it, just teasing the other or even cheating on him or her. Most of the time, these types of relationships have a fairly short lifespan. At some point, everything comes to light. Then, in retrospect, you may feel ashamed of having been so honest. You feel sad because you were so wrong about a person. This can be quite frightening and shake your basic trust. Nevertheless, such a story should not be a reason for not wanting to have relationships anymore. It would be a pity for the many chances to find an honest and lovable person who knows what love means. Should it be so that you get an honest and yet harsh rejection from the beginning, then it really hurts a lot in the first moment. But you get over it and soon you are open for new things again. In this case it is important to distract yourself from the heartbreak. You can read more about this below.

Trapped In An Unhappy Relationship

Not every love relationship brings joy and happiness. The older you get, the harder it is to break away from people you love. Even some teenagers hold on to couple relationships that do them more harm than good.

It doesn’t always have to be an adult relationship that involves children. Young couples can also stay together even though they are not actually happy with each other. This happens out of fear of not finding anyone else. Or one simply does not want to lose the partner despite everything. In addition, it may be that one has moved in with the partner and finds oneself in a kind of dependence.

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If one is dissatisfied in the relationship in the long term, although one is actually in love, one is faced with a difficult decision. Because love alone is not enough to keep a couple together. You also need safety, security, variety, freedom and room for personal growth. If your current relationship is limiting you in any of these areas, then you should think about its meaningfulness. Think about it and, if necessary, take the necessary measures to change something in your life. This may take a lot of effort and hurt, but will ultimately free you up to truly be yourself.

Tips For You

One of the above cases applies to you? Cheer up! You are not alone. The following tips should help you not to lose courage. You decide for yourself what to take away from this and what is less suitable for you.

Allow Sorrow

In our society, it is considered a sign of weakness to admit that you are not well. However, to avoid becoming even sadder, don’t swallow your grief or pretend that everything is okay. When you feel bad, allow the feelings that come with it. Cry to your heart’s content, whine a little, and explain to your friends that you’re not in a good mood right now. You will see: It’s a huge relief.

Why you should not hold back feelings? If you don’t express your sorrow, your body can’t relieve the pent-up stress. This has a bad effect not only on your mood, but also on your health. You can get stomach problems (gastritis, ulcers) and sooner or later you will suffer from sleep problems, which you will not get rid of easily.

Let The Grass Grow Over The Matter

What to do after the breakup? Once you let your feelings out, you can and should distance yourself. Try not to run into your ex(s). It may be that such an encounter feels extremely uncomfortable for you. You should trust your intuition in this matter. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Protect yourself by staying out of the way of such people.

Distance also includes distraction. Try to get your mind off things by doing something that has nothing to do with your ex. Your friends will certainly support you in this. Devote more time to your hobbies, study, or work out by playing sports.

Maybe you want to start a new hobby, join a club, or volunteer with the rescue or fire departments? This is a great opportunity to make new friends. Besides, you’ll be so busy that you won’t have time for dull thoughts anyway. You’ll see: Distraction can help.

Don’t Sugarcoat Things

Are you in a relationship that hasn’t made you happy for a long time? Or has something happened that has offended you too much to stay with him or her any longer?

The longer you’ve been with someone, the harder it is to break up. You don’t want to admit the truth to yourself and try for a very long time to keep the relationship going. Most of the time in such cases, one of the two is being oppressed, taken advantage of, or cheated on. People with low self-esteem sometimes put up with such things for years – especially if it is the first great love or you have been together for a very long time. If you have already slept together, this bond is strengthened even more.

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If the dissatisfaction is due to the fact that you often argue, then you have to ask yourself a question. Should I change something about myself? Think about whether you are being fair to your partner or whether you should perhaps give in and change something about it. Because then breaking off the relationship won’t do you any good. At the latest with your next partner, it is quite possible that you will face the same problem again at some point.

Relationship means development. On the one hand, you get involved with the other person and give in from time to time. On the other hand, this giving in must always be spent by both sides. It cannot be that it always runs only after the head of the one, while the other loses itself completely and acts only in such a way, as the partner requires it.

It is up to you to find the middle ground and assess your situation. In any case, have the courage to defend your own well-being and, on the other hand, to admit your own mistakes.

Do Something Good For Yourself

At the beginning of the breakup phase, many teenagers fall into a passive state. It’s okay to first run a bath, cozy up with cocoa in front of the TV, and spend a weekend running around in your pajamas. What’s good is whatever makes the pain more bearable for you. After a while, however, you should be careful not to isolate yourself too much from the outside world.

Heartbreak is no reason to hide in bed for weeks. After the first pain is overcome, you can dare to go out into the fresh air. It’s normal to not feel like going outside after nights spent crying in front of the TV. You might even be afraid of looking too much like a zombie. After all, you feel a little bit like that too.

Convince yourself to do something good for yourself. Playing sports, going to the movies with friends, or going to a party can be great ways to distract yourself from your grief and boost your self-esteem.

While some kids become loners during difficult periods in life, others get into education, work, or club activities as a good way to distract themselves from their problems. That’s okay, too, as long as you don’t overdo it. Make sure you spend an even amount of time on your job or school, friends or family, and hobbies.

Monitor The Situation

This tip is especially true in the case of secret crushes.

Always remember not to rush into anything. It will be easier for you to approach your crush if you know the right words to say beforehand. But you need to know what is going on. Maybe you can find out if he or she is single at all. Observe the situation a little and slowly feel your way forward. Do you think he or she might be interested in you? Then make an effort and ask if he or she would like to meet you. Maybe you have a common hobby? That would make things even easier for you. This way you can do something together and get to know each other better without having to confess your love to him or her.

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When you get to know each other better, you talk to each other in a completely different way. Then you feel more secure and can talk openly about your feelings. Especially if you are shy, you should move forward slowly.

If he or she cannot imagine a relationship with you, then the confession of love may be less embarrassing for you if you already know each other better. Then, however, you must decide whether you can and want to continue a friendship or not. Like everything else in love, this is a matter of feelings that only the two of you can decide.

Confide In Friends

A shoulder to lean on is worth its weight in gold. More than that, friends are essential for survival, so to speak, in teenage years. Because without someone to talk to without shame or embarrassment, everyday life as a teenager is really hard. You get along great with your parents and talk to them about relationship things, too? That’s good! Then take advantage of that when times get tough. Your parents have the advantage that they are already more experienced and can give you one or two good tips.

In any case, you should not remain alone with your grief, but talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling right now. This is important for your well-being and helps you to get over your heartbreak more quickly. It’s not uncommon to even be coaxed into distracting activities by your own friends. This can work wonders and is better than sitting around at home alone and depressed.

Friendship? Let Your Feelings Decide

After a while, you may have reconciled with your ex(s). You may want to meet again or stay in touch as friends. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are really over him or her. It can be very uncomfortable to meet with an ex if you still have loving feelings for him or her.

Don’t be pressured into meeting or contacting via cell phone if you don’t feel good about it. Explain why you don’t want to and simply stop responding if he or she can’t respect your opinion. After a breakup, don’t feel pressured or rushed to get back together with the ex(s). The wounds are still too fresh and you may find yourself being taken advantage of.

Whether or not you maintain a friendship with your ex(s) is up to you. It’s not bad to have no contact, nor is it bad to see each other every now and then. What’s okay and what’s not is for you two alone to decide.

Worksheet For The Text

1) Why do some teenagers have lovesickness? How can it happen that you are unhappily in love?

2) What can you do when you’re not feeling well? Create a feel-good picture with all your favorite things to do, friends, and things that make you feel good.

3) What does it mean to be unhappily trapped in a relationship?

Photo: lightkeeper / bigstockphoto.com

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