I’ve been kind of stressed out lately, more than usual and honestly dealing with anger hasn’t been so easy for me. I’m the kind of person who likes to be organized and practical, and everything is on a schedule. Having kids threw that completely out the window. It’s easy enough to say “Just go with the flow” but actually dealing with it is a little harder. Sometimes, you just don’t know how to manage anger or frustration as a mom.
Dealing With Anger and Frustration As A Mommy
I lost my cool with my toddler the other night and it really upsets me. I was trying to get her to go to sleep at her bed time and she would not stop wiggling and talking and messing around. I lost my cool and yelled at her. Then I heard her baby sister crying in another room and I completely lost it. I just wasn’t dealing with anger in the right way, and I didn’t know what to do to make it better.
My husband works a lot of nights, so I should be used to doing bedtime by myself. But when I heard the baby crying, I started crying too. Not soft, quiet tears either – I threw a toddler-sized tantrum. Life just sometimes isn’t easy, and as mommies, we are supposed to just keep going. That night, I just needed to cry.
My frustration stems from having expectations of what is going to happen, or planning things to do, that gets derailed when my kids don’t follow my plans. Living in an orderly way with kids is impossible. I adore my children, but sometimes I do just honestly get frustrated when things get tough with them.
I’m ashamed of the way I acted. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be more patient with my children. Kids don’t always do what you want them to do. I need to let go of my expectations and “just go with the flow.”
Tips For Dealing With Anger And Frustration As A Mommy
- Count to 10
- Take deep breaths
- Lower your expectations
- Always have a plan B
- Use positive words
- Snuggles help
- Try again later
- Start over
- Know that tomorrow will be better
- Walk away for a minute
- Ask someone to help
You may even want to write these things on a simple dry erase board in your kids rooms to remind yourself that in those tough times, there is still a way for you to be dealing with anger in a better way.
When you lose your cool, know that you’re not alone. You may be disappointed in yourself, but you can use that feeling to motivate you to follow these tips and do better next time. I know I will. When it comes to learning about better tools for dealing with anger and frustration in your life, as a wife, employee or in this case, a mom, there are tons of great resources out there. We love the simple ideas listed above, but there are more out there.
As a new mom, you may also feel some stress and frustration from post partum hormones. This can take up to two years to settle, so if you find that these tips are still not helping our anger and frustration, don’t hesitate to seek professional help for depression and anxiety issues that a counselor may be needed to help you overcome.
If you can relate, or have other tips you’ve used, let me know on Twitter.
14 thoughts on “Dealing with Anger & Frustration As A Mommy”
That is a good list but you should add, “pray”. Praying works wonders for me.
I wrote a similar blog post about this today actually! Great article with great advice! And don’t worry, I “hulk out” (as I like to call it) more than I care to admit myself. You’re not alone!
Love that phrase! Lol. Thanks for the support!
I seriously felt like I wrote this! Having children as an obsessive compulsive, perfectionist is not easy! Glad to know I am not alone!
I do it to..with 4 kids and a military husband I handle alot alone and have my mommy melt downs. ….I wait till they are all in bed..get my iPad and take a long bath watching my stupid shows that turn off my brain for just a few hours 🙂 if that fails hubby is on kid duty and I add a glass of wine with the bath time 🙂
It can be hard sometimes to not be reactive as a parent. I’m similar to you in that I like structure and organization. Of course my kids don’t really care about that! Needless to say this is frustrating and I have been known to lose it a time or two. For me taking deep breaths and being able to cool off helps me to calm down in these moments.
I feel the same way a lot of the time. I want to be able to ‘control’ the situation, which is almost impossible when dealing with a toddler and baby and their wants, needs and feelings. I actually went to counseling for something else, and ended up discovering that this could be related to my parent’s being alcoholics. I’m not suggesting that you have the same situation as myself, but it also might be worth exploring if you aren’t able to manage these situations. It helped me to understand why I was reacting the way that I was and it is helping me to be more conscious of my actions. All the best to you.
Kristina thank you! I never connected the two. My dad is an alcoholic also. Definitely something to think about.
I have PPD & PPA. Sometimes my anger feels out of my control. Im sad to see that others Moms experience these feelings but glad to know Im not alone.
No you’re not alone. Good luck mama, it will get better!
So, I am a new step parent. I absolutely love the kids but I too am struggling. I have alcoholic parents and I just got sober not too long ago. I am also obsessive compulsive. At times I am able to let go and not be so uptight but I feel like I have to control a lot. It is miserable and I don’t want to be that person. In the moments I do not feel like I have any control over it. I am able to reflect after but in the moment I am so stressed about how they should be acting.
Thank you for being honest. I only have one child. I found that since my daughter turned 3.5…she’s now 4, it’s been hard for me (on this topic). Before having my own child I was the most patient person regarding children’s negative behaviors/emotions….however, that’s not the case with my own child nowadays. I think the good thing is that I model conflict resolution with my daughter….yes, I let her know that mami (mommy) was wrong and I ask for forgiveness without expecting her to say she forgives me. I also work on myself so that I’m not repeating my wrongs… some days I can’t and my patience is on a thin line…so I call for my husband to step in whenever he’s around. I think what’s hard for me is that my daughter can’t regulate her emotions or move quickly into transitions like I can….I place high expectations on her (unconsciously in the moment). I appreciate reading your blog because you were honest of the struggle that is not pretty to admit.