A new love begins where the old one stops hurting. It’s so nice not to be alone anymore. But you are not alone, your new partner brings his children into the family. Two different worlds collide. The new family constellation is often associated with many conflicts.
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Patchwork Family – What Exactly Does It Mean?
The patchwork family refers to a family consisting of a father, mother, and at least one child. However, the child is descended from only one parent.
The new family is a motley crew, and family life is exactly the same. The child must first get used to the new stepfather or stepmother. Sometimes stepbrothers and stepsisters also come into play.
A lot of patience and work is necessary to make the new family work.
Patchwork Family – A Challenge For All Involved
The children find it difficult to accept the new partner at their father’s or mother’s side. A new partner always means competition. They would rather have the parent for themselves and would prefer that the parents get back together. Quarrels arise because the child does not want the new partner to be there. Things get really complicated when you decide to move in together. Does the child get along with his or her step-siblings? Will a relationship with the stepparents work out?
What Problems Will You Face?
Having more than one father or mother is a challenge for children. They first have to get used to the new partner. It becomes problematic when the new partner immediately tries to replace the other parent. You should initially hold back your authority and expectations.No one can demand that a child immediately say “Daddy” or “Mommy” to the new person. Many children do not want to be told anything by a stranger at first.
The different expectations can cause a child to tear up inside. The stepfather may want to raise his son differently than his biological father. This can quickly overwhelm or unsettle a child. Originally inconspicuous children, suddenly become aggressive or deteriorate in school.
Children often try to play adults off against each other. It tries to assert its wishes, for example by saying that it is always allowed to do certain things with the other parent. Conflict between a child’s birth parents can be ongoing and put a strain on the new family. Some parents badmouth each other in front of their child. At the same time, the child’s relationship with each parent should be allowed to remain unbiased. If the child is questioned after every visit to mom, or dad, the child is more likely to experience this as control.
Everyday life can also be problematic with step siblings. Only children, for example, have to redefine their role. Suddenly, attention has to be shared.
Patchwork Family – Opportunities
Despite all the problems that can occur, there are also opportunities. Children can get new attachment figures. They have the opportunity to benefit and learn from different people. For example, it is best to talk about computer games with the father and most likely to ride a skateboard with the stepfather.
Patchwork Family – Peace, Joy, Pancakes?
Family happiness does not fall into anyone’s lap. Anyone who creates a patchwork family must include all family members. Everyone should be able to express their wishes and concerns. It is good if you find a common level regarding your educational ideas. Tensions can be reduced or avoided in this way. You should also communicate openly about conflicts.
Family happiness always means work. Whether patchwork family or not.